Earlier I said that after a lunch with two of my dearest friends, I left feeling loved and encouraged and thankful for honest conversations. I also said I wanted to document and share some of those conversations and feelings, and so the sharing continues…
2 of 3: Love and Relationships.
"You need to find someone who can handle your love."
In between my salad, J’s pasta, and Fay’s sammich we talked about our past, present, and possible futures. We recalled some of the CRAZY and hilarious stories that would appear to only happen to us (but likely happen to other people too):
1) The white man you met two hours ago trying to take you to Iowa story
2) Those times I made out with a stranger and enjoyed it stories, followed by that time said stranger became a boyfriend story.
3) That yooooo I swore he was my soulmate saga
4) The forever funny the Caricature story.
5) The I want to make him three meals a day story
6) That girlllll I had to take off work story
7) The all I can do is pray story
8) The that shxt was wack feel free to grab some bacon, but you gotta GO story
9) The Voyeur story
10) The I love him, but his pain can’t always be my pain story
Amongst all of that we were so easily reminded that just as every person is different, so is every relationship and every love, and to a certain extent even every lust.
Occasionally we might find ourselves experiencing a little bit of what I’ll call “relationship envy” but that is a dangerous place to be. At one point during lunch, two of us found ourselves saying to the other “aww I wish I had that,” or “I miss having that,” to which she quickly responded “No you don’t.” She didn’t say this because she isn’t happy in her relationship, or because her love isn’t abundant. To the contrary, she said this because she knew you 1) should not assume what works for other people will work the same way for you 2) cannot overlook the fact that EVERY relationship has it’s ups, and EVERY relationship has it’s downs.
My mama always says that the goal isn’t to find the perfect person, rather the goal is to find the person perfect for you. And while that may be easier said than done, at least everything in between will make for a good lesson and a good laugh. Take for instance my favorite three-part series (all coincidentally about the same man lol): The Fitted and The Netflix tales, and The Wait Are You Homeless? Story.
Yesterday I had the wonderful pleasure of spending the day with two of my closest friends. After FINALLY seeing Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom, we made our way to Panera. Beyond the usual tasty food and comfy atmosphere we created our own space: one that was open for thoughts and free of judgement.
I left feeling loved and encouraged, and thankful that we are able to have such honest conversations. I didn’t want to lose that feeling so I decided I wanted to capture some of that here.
1 of 3: Sex.
"We’re too old for that. Nobody has time for good, that shxt better be great."
There used to be a time when my friends and I were too inexperienced, too shy, too naive, or possibly too embarrassed to have a full out conversation about sex in public. Somewhere between college and now that notion has long flown out the window, and having those conversations has become one of our favorite pasttimes.
Yesterday we talked about good sex, bad sex. Access to and active pursuit of sex. Dialogues that should be had about sex between partners. First times, most recent times. The fact that all pharmacies that carry Plan B are required to also sell the generic brand, and they if it’s unavailable they are required to sell the customer Plan B at the generic price. We talked about sex in the context of relationships and outside of them. We spoke about navigating the realm of giving and receiving and how to discern if a partner does or DOES not give head and what that means moving forward. We toyed with the notion of being “fxckable vs. dateable” and wondered why some people think it’s one or the other. We talked about size, and lack thereof. Whether he’s a grower, a shrinker, or a sinker. We talked about the importance of being heard and acknowledged when it comes to our own preferences and hesitations. On one hand we talked about self-pleasure and on the other hand we talked about abstention from sex altogether. We talked about how sometimes we just want (need?) someone to and I quote, “Tarzan-swing it on through” like we’re Jane in the middle of somebody’s forest and no one is around to see or hear.
The point is, we talked about a lot of things. I’ve been seeing a lot on twitter about “sex-positive” this, or “sex-positive” that. Unsure of what the term meant, I did a little research (i.e. I typed it into google) and found this:
Sex-positive is a philosophy that all consensual expressions of sexuality are good and healthy.
I’m willing to say yesterday my girls and I had a “sex-positive” conversation as we often do. As a 25-year-old woman I’ve come to learn that these are OH so valuable. To speak freely about sex and relationships and to encourage each other to embrace our agency in a sexual way is powerful. This isn’t to say that every time you get some of that GREAT that your friends need to get a play-by-play, because as always some discretion is warranted. Rather, I hope that all of us women are comfortable enough with our selves and with our friends to have those conversations, ask those questions, and to explore those dynamics… even if we’re in the middle of Panera.